I know what you all are thinking… this girl has only been married one month. What could she possibly know about marriage? I’ll tell you… I know I don’t know as much as those of you who have been married 5, 10, and even 30 years (God willing we will get there one day). But if I were to say that in the one month (and 2 days) that I’ve been married that I haven’t learned anything… I’d be lying! Cause we are always growing and always learning. So in my own form of journaling, I am going to tell you what I’ve learned so far in my short, but awesome time of marriage!
- When It’s Right, It’s Right! – There may be some of you who are scoffing at this and that’s okay! I fully acknowledge that I am still very much in the “honeymoon” phase. I was also very cautious before I got engaged and married. I had a lot of questions, a lot of concerns, and a lot of worries (In case you don’t know that’s what I do, I worry). I imagined every worse case scenario possible, and when all is said & done, it has been the easiest transition I’ve ever made. Does that mean if it wasn’t as easy for anyone reading this that it’s wrong? Not at all. It just means that in a situation that brings so much change, I couldn’t imagine a better scenario for me and Darrin. It has been dang near perfect…and yes I am bragging and yes I am okay with it… cut me some slack! I’m still soaking in my newlywed bliss!!!
- When Your Boyfriend Becomes Your Husband, He Doesn’t Magically Change! – This one is a good one because no matter how realistic and down to earth you are during the whole wedding planning process, admittedly or not, there is a tiny part inside of us all that believes that once you say “I DO!” everything magically changes.. and some things do change, but the person you marry isn’t one of them. My husband is the same guy I knew and dated and loved before we got married. The same things about him still make me happy & the same things that drove me crazy still drive me crazy. Because I live with him now, I’ve discovered some new interesting quirks (i.e. he can’t shut a cabinet door to save his life), but at the core of who he is, he’s still the same. This is NOT disappointing. Quite the opposite, it’s absolutely fantastic.
- Marriage Changed ME! – I realize this may seem contrary to the above point, but just roll with it! Marriage has made me more accountable to someone other than myself… more specifically to the person I married (Go figure)! This is good 99.9% of the time… (I’m leaving that .1% open cause we haven’t hit “that” mark yet, but who knows what month two will bring) 😉 What I mean by accountable is not that I have a controlling husband that I have to answer to or else, but rather I have someone who loves me so much that he’s genuinely concerned for my well being and I am accountable to him because I care about him in the exact same way. It’s a blessing to have someone to consider when making decisions because he is my teammate. We are one unit! His happiness really is my happiness. [Side note: Sometimes his happiness includes me making him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich just because I know he loves it and how he loves it… double sides peanut butter with an “average” amount of grape jelly. If the jelly oozes out and gets his fingers sticky he doesn’t like it that much… *NOTE TO HUSBANDS* Him letting me know this almost lost him his loving wife making him PB & J sandwiches. Do yourselves a favor – when your wife takes the time to get up early and make you lunch – just say thank you! Don’t complain about the sandwich… at least not in the first month! 😉
… which brings me to my next point…
- Feelings Run Deep – Especially The First Month – I feel as though an underlying theme of this blog has been change… but it’s so true. Marriage brings about a lot of change. So among all of this change, the amount of emotions that are running rampant can be astronomical. In my case, I feel like I’ve been blessed with the highest of highs in my one month of marriage… and there’s also been moments of scared or sadness or anger…but mostly happy highs. However, when you try to do something “wifely” like make your husband lunch because he’s got a full day of work ahead and your husband comes back with “lunch was great, but…” this, in the moment of most heightened emotions, can send one very emotional lady over the happy ledge into an inconsolable crying fit. Fear not. It happens to the best of us. The good thing to remember in those times is, that even though your spouse unknowingly said or did something that set you off in a tizzy, the emotions are temporary. They will come and go, but the love is still there. The same vows and promises you made only one month ago still remain, and this really isn’t the end of the world.
- Remember YOU Are Still YOU! – I can admit there have been times in the last month that I’ve been wrapped up in doing what makes Darrin happy, which is great. I hope and pray everyday that I never lose that desire, because I always want to put him first. It makes me so so happy and he’s always grateful and always appreciative. And by BOTH of us doing this for one another it has made this first month the easiest! However, in those moments that I mentioned earlier, the ones where I am feeling sad or scared or angry and I have lost control of my emotions, it’s good to take a step back and remember that you are still YOU! Becoming a wife is the greatest thing that has happened to me in… well, this year at least (haha! joking). But I am still ME! The role of wife doesn’t define me…it adds to who I am, but it’s not ALL of who I am! I am still Sam! I still have the same make up that I’ve had forever and I truly believe God wants us to honor that and continue to encourage that in our spouse as well. In the times when I can feel the overwhelm of emotions brewing inside of me, I know it’s a true sign for needing a little “me” time. I think that’s okay. And so does Darrin. In these situations, I’ve learned communication is key. Darrin would not respond well if I stormed out of the house in a fit of anger and left him high and dry to go and “do me”. However, when I communicate that I need some time (and by time I mean like a couple of hours people; not days or weeks or months) just to clear my head, he understands how necessary and important that is. It makes us happier as a whole if we both take that time for ourselves. For him it’s gaming. For me it’s shopping (Whoops… Don’t tell him that part)!
The most important thing I’ve learned, though not exclusive to marriage, is that God has us. No matter the highs or lows, we began this marriage with God as the foundation and nothing we’ve experienced is on our own accord. It has been ordained by Him since the beginning and we choose to honor that everyday by giving Him the glory because it really is ALL Him! One month down and MANY MANY MANY more to go… I can’t wait to see what’s next!